Outreach

A few days ago Sam decided to call me. This time, however, I couldn't hide behind my boyfriend. I don't have one anymore, so I am left to fend for myself. Last night, though, I stepped into my own pot of boiling water when I texted Mike for no reason whatsoever. Perhaps I feel like distracting myself from Allen and his horrible kissing. Maybe I am just plain bored with men and I feel like stirring the pot. I don't know. Jerry is still running about claiming to be my next husband (way over there in the Virgin Islands and not to return for almost 2 years). I think that Jerry's presence is screwing with me. Since I don't discount the notion of us actually being compatible as a couple I think that I keep myself from really trying to make a relationship work for the long term because I am worried that I will miss out on Jerry when he returns. The problem is that I don't really know if it would work or not between the two of us, so the possibility is holding me down. What I need is to spend some real one on one time with him and develop my impressions from there. Good phone calls do not make a relationship that leads to marriage. Once I get to spend real time with him we will both get to see one another for a more true picture of who we are. Not that a few days will also reveal the warts of the other person, but at least I can stop idealizing Jerry and see him more for who he is. In the meantime I just need to stop getting the drama to surround me again. I should work out more or take a class if I am that bored, not go pushing boys buttons. Don't you think?