Clearing My Head

This last weekend was the last straw on the camel's back. Rafi missed the chance to see me on Friday night because he had been invited to dinner by another family. I had been fighting back and forth with him for the entire week since he was being rather detached. He had failed to follow through consistently on any plans we had made. I was fed up, and decided to stop inconveniencing myself in order to see him. Friday came along, and he didn't have a way to see me. He promised we would see each other on Saturday night. That didn't happen. I didn't even get a phone call until the next morning. Sunday he promised to see me in the evening. I figured it would be early enough we could go to dinner, see a movie, do something outside the house. He decided to go meet up with his piano teacher at the last minute. That was it. I was done with Rafi and his strange list of priorities. I took a long drive to clear my head, so when he finally called at 10:30pm I was absolutely sure that I was ending all of the insanity. He told me that he understood. He said that there were some things he found out about me that kept him from getting close to me. He wouldn't tell me what they were. He wanted to talk in the morning. The next morning we spoke, but Rafi thought that I might no longer be mad, and decided to invite me over to lay in bed with him in the morning. That was definitely not the direction I thought the conversation was going. I told him the only reason that we are talking still was because I felt that he truly wanted to discuss the problems we were having. If that was not the case they we are over, and there is no longer a need to talk at all. He told me that he was told that I have had sex with lots of guys, and that he couldn't be serious with a girl who has been that active in the past. He also heard that I am cheap. I told him I have had sex with a certain number of men (my guess is between 25-30 since I lost my virginity at 17), but that I cannot go back and change anything. If that was a deal breaker for him, then we just needed to end things regardless. I do not have a time machine. As for being cheap, I just started finally making enough money to make my ends meet. If I have any extra money it goes towards paying off my credit cards that were maxed out during the times I didn't have enough in my account to cover things. It is a function of having started my own business, and not working for almost a year and a half. During this conversation Rafi admitted that he misses me a ton. No matter what he finds out about me he can't seem to stop wanting to be with me. I told him that I needed to see action because words such as these have been exchanged before. Things need to change in order for me to feel comfortable. He promised that he would work on it. If last night is any indication, when he told me he would call later that night and failed to, then his words had nothing behind him. I left him a voicemail at 11pm or so that if he was planning to call me after that time I couldn't see it, and he should have a great life. He can live that way all he likes, but I will not be at his side for it. So far I have heard nothing from the man that wakes me up in the morning when he calls. It's almost 10am. I'm pretty sure it's over.