Quitting Squared

Yesterday I quit my job, and Rafi. When I went into work I decided to talk directly to the (crazy) boss, and tell her that the environment was too stressful for me. She was very understanding. I don't think she realized that she was the reason the environment was stressful for me. Next, I went in to talk to my manager. She was well aware of all the things I was about to say. I had discussed my frustrations before. When I was given the exit interview paperwork she told me to be very candid. If no one speaks up then the boss will never see that her actions directly impact her turnover. Micromanaging a commission based staff is utter nonsense. Now it's my job to get a job that I will really stay at. Retail may be where I go to next if this nanny opportunity is not for me. Thursday will bring me some answers. As for Rafi, I finally got to see him last night after almost a week. We had both been busy at different times, and we didn't get a chance to meet up. We had just finished having sex, and were lying next to each other talking. I started to talk about the fact that I had yet to have an orgasm with him due to the emotional wall he had up between us. Rafi decided that it wasn't making him feel good to do all the work with no results to show for it. I asked him if it would change. His response was that since I had sex with so many guys, and that someone who could list less than 10 was the only acceptable answer, we could never really get close. Apparently there was no way to change his mind. I don't deserve to be with someone who puts a ceiling on a good relationship because of something that I cannot change. Hitting the ceiling tends to cause emotional concussions, so there would be nothing to gain from staying with him. I slowly got up, and started to get dressed. Rafi didn't want me to leave. He said he was very connected to me. I told him he wasn't. He would never be, and it's better that I know that now. He wanted to talk about it another day. I told him that any other day would be the same thing. If Rafi couldn't see himself with me then I didn't want to be putting myself in a situation where I don't get back what I need emotionally. In the end I walked out the door. I closed it behind me. He opened it a moment later, looked me in the eye, and said good night. I said good night quietly and walked away. I have a feeling that Rafi will learn quickly that I did impact his life positively. I know he will miss me. Unfortunately, none of that pining will ever change his iron clad limits of what he will accept in a female. He may miss me and want me back, but he will never be able to open himself up to being with me. Perhaps that is why, subconsciously, I had never changed his name on my phone after I re-named him "spinning wheels." That was all I ever was doing while I was with him.