Waiting

Having never been good at realizing how much time has gone by I only knew it had been a while since I have had a job. Looking at my calendar I see that it has been almost 6 weeks. It seems ridiculous that I have been out of work for so long. When this all started I felt like there were so many opportunities available. I was in line for being a fashion teacher, then a cosmetics manager, now a co-manager at a clothing store. Only one of the opportunities is ruled out, but waiting forever to find out results is killing me. It never seemed to take this long for me to be hired by the jobs I hated, but here I am waiting to be hired by places I might like. Life is not fair, but this is bordering on absurd. Tomorrow is Friday, and I was told on Tuesday that I would know if the clothing store is hiring me by the end of the week. Considering I have not heard that any of my references received calls I can say I am not very hopeful. Perhaps something is written on my forehead that I cannot see myself, but potential employers do. These are the days that I seriously consider becoming a stripper.

Dating Sandwich

At the moment I have two guys in the picture. A second date with Mr. Hospitality proved to be interesting. Perhaps since both of us are sociable due to the kind of work we do, we both were unable to read the interest level of the other. When I called him (on the Wednesday after our Saturday date) later in the week he was definitely able to find time to see me before he left for over seas. We had dinner, and followed it with drinks. The atmosphere was very relaxed, and I felt like he really opened up to me more freely than the first encounter. There was palpable chemistry, and we spent some serious time silent together after talking so much throughout the evening. Provided Mr. Hospitality stays in touch once he returns from his 18 day trip we will definitely be seeing one another. On the other side of things I had a great time with Jared, a rapper I met at a friends show a few weeks ago. He is very warm, but a bit unconventional (as one might expect from an artistic personality). Certainly Mr. Hospitality is a bit more grounded, and a lot hotter, but Jared has a beautiful energy about him, and I feel amazing around him. Each guy has certain things that draw me to him, and I cannot say for sure who will wind up sticking around. For now Mr. Hospitality is not around so I am spending my time with Jared. Only time will tell what can happen.

Heading South

I have left the house twice today. Both times I was motivated by food. In the afternoon I was dead set on getting pesto cavatappi from Noodles and Company. An hour ago I left the house again because that new salad at Wendy's was calling my name (along with a frosty and a baked potato). It's sad that I am doing nothing about feeling that I am doing nothing. The only thing I accomplished today was to do my laundry. Other than that I sent a bunch of text messages and watched a whole lot of Project Runway. I feel so depressed it's even hard for me to be social. Usually when I start to feel down I tend to reach out. Today I had to push myself to do that. Tomorrow I know that I will have to really put some work in. I need to sew some things for the end of the month. It would be so nice to have the appropriate funding so I can really put the effort in that I know I am capable of into the clothing line. Until then I really need a day job so I can begin to juggle the two parts of my work life, but make enough money to get by. At the moment something has got to give. I need a direction.

Tick Tock

Waiting is terrible. I had my second interview for a management position with a clothing company yesterday. The first interview obviously went well, and I met with the district manager. I am crossing my fingers that I get the job, and I am told that I will know either today or tomorrow. In the meantime the clock is ticking. My last paycheck from the talent company came yesterday. It served to illustrate that there is only so much time left before I need to pay rent, and having cash flowing in is essential. At the moment I am freaking out. Hopefully there will be a phone call later today.

Jerry is Scary

The totally insane Jerry I saw on my first date with him is definitely alive and kicking. Though he doesn't show it at once, the same strange behaviors do permeate the surface. Since I was not willing to drop everything to come to every event Jerry invited me to I wound up getting a sullen version of Jerry on the phone. He was snide, and short tempered with me no matter what we were discussing. I was unwilling to go out and meet him knowing that he was being really mean to me. Taking the chance that I could travel out to meet Jerry and his crew then be completely snubbed by him was not on my list of things to do. During the last phone conversation Jerry decided the wedding he invited me to was also not something he wanted me to come to any longer. It was indicative of the shift in behavior from Jerry towards me. I became someone who has broken out of the mold he is used to in females. I do not bother with endlessly chasing Jerry, willing to cater to his every need. He has met his match, and he resents me for it. Too bad for him. I will have to find an appropriate name to give him in my phone. He definitely deserves a new title.

Dating Squared

When it rains it pours. For months I haven't had many good experiences with men. Marc became a total bummer, and after the teacher all I had were the few guys that hound me to give them a second chance (but definitely don't deserve it). Now I can say that I have myself multiple options. Bachelor number 3 went to lunch with me yesterday. We had good conversation, and he is definitely worthy of a follow up date. After I left Andrew I went to see a movie with the rapper. Actually, it was more like dinner, a movie, and drinks. The chemistry is definitely there with this one. Usually I find the musicians to burn hot, but burn out fast. While I like the rapper I am not convinced that he will have staying power. Hopefully he will prove me wrong. This Saturday I have a date at the zoo with the last of the online dating boys. I find myself with lots of options, and I am not really sure how I got here. Perhaps the sad excuses for dates I wound up with were just a breather before the multiple choices I was about to be given. What is unclear right now, is how I will be able to juggle these guys until I figure out who I should really be with. Knowing men, though, some will self-eliminate.

Picture Perfect

Yesterday I had a first date with a tall, dark, handsome man (according to his pictures). When I met him I found out that the pictures were a bit outdated. Aside from being tall he was also chubby, and fairly unattractive. This guy is a math teacher, and completely fits the stereotypes that go along with that vocation. Mr. Math still lives with his parents at 30 years old, and sees no reason to pay rent when he can buy his own place in a few years. Conversation with him was kept going by a major feat on my part that left me tired after only 90 minutes. I kept finding ways to glance at his watch. When dates go well time usually flies by. This time the minutes trudged along slowly, wading through the vast expanse of forced conversation. Mr. Math is certainly not going to be my next boyfriend. I hope the other 2 are far better for me than this one.

Mr. Hospitality

So I met bachelor number 1 this afternoon. We met in the park and walked around a bit. The conversation flowed fairly easily, but in the beginning there are tons of questions about each other's past that make keeping the flow easy (for me at least). I can say that he doesn't suck. He is tall (thankfully), medium build, and fairly cute. We were both very relaxed around each other. After about an hour and a half we started walking back towards where I had parked my car. I assumed that he would be walking me to my car, and heading out to "hang with the guys" for the evening. He actually threw me for a loop by suggesting we get a drink in the area. Extending a first date is usually a good sign. Ending it at that moment would have been exceptionally simple. I was excited to see that he was interested. Since Eric works in hospitality I knew that I couldn't gauge his interest level by his willingness to hold a conversation (the same applies to me, and most guys do not get the memo). When we finally said goodbye, he suggested that we talk on the phone soon. Unfortunately he leaves to over seas in 8 days, and he will be gone until the beginning of August. I will have to wait until then to really get to know Eric. In the meantime I will have my hands full with the other 3 guys. Also, one of my rogue guys from my past (we met about a year ago, but had lost contact) has resurfaced. We will be meeting up for drinks in the next week or so. With him, however, I feel like there is a likeliness that things may be flirty, but will not develop past that point. There is also another wild card, who is a musician I met last Thursday night (at my friend's show). There was a certain amount of flirtation, but nothing overt. This next month should be pretty interesting. I will have to see what develops.

Another Round

Jerry is back in town. He is visiting Chicago for a month. The first night he got in I was supposed to pick him up from the airport. Since Jerry's flight was delayed I wasn't sure when it was that I would be summoned. I promised that I would be at the airport as long as he let me know what time. I didn't answer when he called, but he left a message to be there at 11pm, so I was. Apparently that was not enough, because Jerry had called another friend to pick him up as well. I was circling the airport waiting for someone who didn't trust I would be there. I followed Jerry and his friend back in my car, and we went out after that. Since we got off to a late start we were out until almost 7am. This time when Jerry got drunk he didn't go insane like the first time I met him. Mostly he was just loud and happy. When it comes to me, however, Jerry is very conflicted. He likes me, and wants to be with me, but since I won't commit to a long distance relationship with him, he doesn't know what to do. Even though what I want right now is to find a boyfriend I don't feel like the long distance relationship would really fulfill me. I need face time with the guy I see. Physical contact is a necessary perk to having a boyfriend. I plan on making sure I have time with my man. Jerry can only give me that for a month. A month is not enough. As for the other guys right now, I have three in play. One is Dutch who has lived all over the world. He speaks 4 languages, and 2 we have in common. I will meet with him today. Another is a math teacher in the city. He and I are supposed to meet up on Sunday. Both of them are over 6' tall, so at least I know I will not feel like a giant next to them. There is also a high school basketball coach, and a risk manager for some large corporation. Those guys have yet to be spoken with on the phone. If at the end of going out with these 4 guys nothing clicks, considering the 4 others I previously went on dates with, I think it will be time for me to take a break from dating. 0/8 are terrible odds, and I wouldn't want to go for more after that. So I guess I have 4 down, and there are 4 more to go.

Face Forward

Marc never called. After 2 full days I put my profile back up for the last few days until my month-long subscription to the dating site ends. I got back in touch with 3 or so guys that I had been interested in. Marc still has yet to make contact with me, but had logged back in recently to the dating site. I was right about it being over. Going forward I hope that I find someone who will be a good fit for me as a boyfriend. I also hope I find a good fit in a job. Now that I have had a few opportunities fall through, I am getting very anxious waiting to find out what my next move is going to be. At this point I feel that I am losing a certain amount of control of my destiny. Because of this I am fearful that I will not find a job in time to make end meet, and I am falling down on getting necessary things done. Also I have an opportunity to apply for a spot in a major reality television show. Professionally the chance to participate in something national would be great exposure for myself and my company. At this time, however, I feel that it may not happen simply because so many other things have been going in strange directions. Most of the time I feel that the universe takes me in a positive, necessary course, but that doesn't seem to be happening right now. Perhaps I am being a pessimist for the time being. I just need to feel like something is meant to be. Even if things are not working out I can still see a direction being carved out for me. Right now that direction is unclear. I hope the fog lifts.

Waning Interest

I have a keen sense of when things are cooling off between me and a guy. Last summer I was dating an actor for a few weeks, and there was a point that I realized he had lost interest in seeing me. It was a very casual relationship so I didn't really mind when it ended. His behavioral patterns shifted into a more passive set, and I knew it was over. I stopped calling him. He stopped calling me. It was easy. Marc is now about to add himself to that list of men. After 2 weeks of consistently texting, calling, and making plans I watched him opt out twice in one weekend. Friday night he was invited out to a dinner with extended family, which I expect not be invited to, and I didn't think much of it. Saturday night, however, he was invited out to go drinking with his brother and some friends (when we planned to be together that night), and left me to go with them. While family dinners are not something that an outside guest is easily included in drinking with friends certainly is. By making an excuse to go out, and not including me in those plans I realized that Marc may be drifting already. On Sunday I text messaged Marc during the day a few times, and he responded. That night I didn't get a call. Yesterday I didn't get a call, or text either. I have a feeling today will be the same. Perhaps he was not as fantastic as I originally thought.