Never Too Early

As soon as Dave was a prospect he was a has-been. After our very exhilarating date I heard absolutely nothing from him. I sent him a text message in the later morning, and he sent back a single sentence reply a few hours later. Since that point I have heard not one word from this man I was so very excited about. At this point it has been an entire week since our date. For whatever reason he decided that I wasn't worth pursuing. Talking to my best guy friend I realize that I may be a little too good at letting go. Perhaps I could come back towards the middle of the road on this issue as opposed to being on the far end of "being the one who calls." Sometimes, with the way I operate, it almost seems like a stand off. I may be contributing to the pattern more than I know. Since my Father left the family when I was very young I think that the idea of being left by someone is quite scary to me. Putting the first foot out the door has become a way of being in control of the situation, but sometimes it's better to just let things happen without helping them along. I sent Dave an email today to figure out what happened. The wording was very casual, and mostly said that I had enjoyed meeting him, that I hadn't heard from him, and I was curious what his thoughts were on the situation. Since I don't have ESP I can only get what is given to me. Since our date had 3 parts to it, but the continuation of the date from part 1 to parts 2 and 3 were suggested by him, I could have only deduced that he liked my company and was eager for more. Dave disappearing after the date, and not calling doesn't fit the pattern. Perhaps something happened later on that made him feel like it would not be a good idea to call. At the risk of being a complete "girl" about it I had made up my mind to let sleeping dogs lie. My actions today are completely counter-intuitive. I just poked my sleeping dog with a stick. At this point I can only wait and see what happens. I highly doubt the email will motivate him to call me for another date, but I do hope that it contains some insight as to what I may have done to cause him to jump ship.

Ditch-o-meter

The same way some people can smell when it's about to rain is the way that I can sense a guy is about decide to stop calling me. I can virtually put my finger in the air and feel which way the wind is blowing. The last guy is totally out of the picture. We went on our last date the weekend before last and had a great time. I texted him a time or two over the next two days and he responded, but would not initiate contact. I left him alone and heard nothing over the following two, almost three days until I got a text message that our date for this past weekend was cancelled. Not only was his friend not going (therefore we were not going) to the concert, but he had already made plans to see a boxing match on pay-per-view instead. That was it. I cannot say for sure what it was that caused him to lose interest, but I'm pretty sure it is based on the fact that he is still in school, has a job, and lives at home with his parents. Dating a girl who is living alone, has graduated college years ago, and has a career path is fairly emasculating. Either way I'm still a bit bewildered by the whole experience. He had introduced me to his parents and taken me out to meet his friends before all of the this madness. What's done is done, though, and I am going to keep his number only on the off chance that he decides he was an idiot about 3 months from now (which is the usual operating procedure for the guys who bail like this). As of last night a new prospect has entered the picture. I went on my first date with a guy named Dave, who seemed nice but boring from his profile on the dating site. When I met him in person, though, he was pretty laid back and far more attractive in person. Our political and religious beliefs are virtually identical (which is usually the hardest part), and we have the beginnings of chemistry. As long as he is not in love with the constant pursuit of other women on the dating site, and can put forth some consistent effort in seeing me in the future I would say this one's a keeper. For now it's far too early to tell.

Notches

It can be very hard to see your failures displayed proudly in front of you all at once. When I go through the "your matches" section of the dating site much of my love life over the last year and a half is right in front of my eyes: The crazy guy I should have avoided, the one that wouldn't stay with me because I refused to become a trophy wife, the man with too many issues to count, the one I had sex with on the first date and didn't call me back after (I really should have seen that one coming), the one that chatted with me online but could never meet me in person, and the guy I'm seeing now. The current one, as said before, has been consistently logging on to his account daily. I haven't noticed until now because I wasn't on there to check on him, but ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is what allowed me to think that it was a good idea to really consider being with him. Now that I see he hasn't skipped a beat I'm worried that the connection was really all in my head. For the entire day I haven't received even one text message. Yesterday I had to send him one in order to get a response. Tomorrow will tell where this relationship is really headed, though I don't have high hopes. Honestly, the only reason I keep beating this dead horse is because I know that my other options are fruitless. Unless I am out at a bar with my friends I work around women and gay men. No potential suitors are going to be crossing my path unless it occurs online. There is a certain part of me that almost wants to give up, but I do crave that connection with someone that my girlfriends just cannot make up for. When I have no one I wind up with lots of guys in the picture as a result. With all of that stacked against me I'm not sure what my next move is. Also, since the guy I'm seeing is rather fit physically, and I have been unable to go to the gym for the last few months I feel as if I am unworthy of his affections. When I'm with him I don't feel that he is judging me, but I don't see that giddy "she's nekked!" glitter in his eye either. Nor are there any mind blowing compliments coming my way. Perhaps he is willing to put up with me physically because he likes me as a person, and he wouldn't throw me out of bed. That alone is a scary thought to me as well. Even without working out I wouldn't consider myself unattractive, just a little softer than usual. With him, however, his behavior indicates there may not be "more of me" to love.

Newbie

The initial stages of dating are always both elating and terrifying. The butterflies and first kisses are wonderful, but after the 4th or 5th date the "where is this going?" question starts to pop into every woman's head. One of the things I pride myself on is being able edit some of the things that women say which scare men. Instead of being overly emotional I can play it pretty cool. Every once in a while, though, I cannot control my emotions. The guy I am seeing right now (who is not the same one I posted about earlier) has been in the picture for about 3 weeks. We have gone out alone and with his friends. He doesn't seem to be a big phone guy, but he is good about text messaging me pretty consistently. I think that he is the type of guy that I could really be with long-term. This realization is both sweet and sour for me. It has been years since I could say that I really felt safe with someone. Since we met online, there are certain things that come into play in this particular situation. The first is that we do not know each other through anyone else, so there is no one to vouch for either of us. The second is that we can see when the last time we went on the dating site is, and that can be a blessing an a curse. Out of curiosity I went online to check my profile (and hide myself in searches), and decided to check up on him. Turns out he logged on last night. I'm not really sure that this means he is still looking, but it wasn't the best feeling to see that he is still an active member in the online dating world. I feel like if I say nothing then I will be the one at fault, but I don't really think now is the time to be doing that type of thing. If he is on the edge, then pulling something like that will only cause him to bail. There is always the possibility that he was on there last night checking if I had logged on (which I hadn't)...so for now I have to curb the urge to speak.