Possibilities

Though each guy had a different face, name, and personality I feel like they all blend together in similar ways. No matter how things started they were always going to fail. The key ingredient was different on each person, but one thing was always missing. How do you have a relationship with someone who isn't fully worthy? I guess the answer is that you don't. I met a guy recently who is similar to myself in many ways, and also has his own unique sensibilities and interests. I find myself in long conversations with him constantly, and it's really refreshing to finally have someone that I connect with in that way. On top of that he is not into playing games with me, and has been really consistent about finding time to hang out, and I don't feel like I have to second guess myself before calling him. My mother will even approve because he is a nice Jewish boy. Now, of course, we haven't yet slept together (so there may be a hitch to the plan, but it's too early to tell) so I cannot tell how he is in bed. I can say, though, that as long as things continue in the current path that I may very well have myself a real, live boyfriend! Relationships take two people, and both parties have to put in effort to make things work. For the past 3 weeks I was appropriately expiration dating a guy who was in town on business for a month. He leaves to go back to the west coast tomorrow afternoon. The consistency of having a guy around who made regular plans to see me was great, but obviously the situation would be very short lived (thus the "expiration" part of the dating scenario). It was nice to get my feet wet with him, but having this new guy who lives here take interest in me allows me to think that perhaps I am finally able to have a long term relationship. It has been nearly 3 years since anything closely resembling a relationship has lasted over 3 months. Now, I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch (we all know, with me, chickens tend to find their ways to fly the coup), but there is a real possibility here, and that is a lovely thought. Perhaps things will really work out after all.

Cold Turkey: Dead Meat?

It has officially been over 30 days since I last had sex. Considering that this has not occurred since I became sexually active at the age of 16 this is quite the landmark. In a decade I have managed to rack up over 30 partners, and never get to the end of a pack of birth control pills without getting laid. I can say, though, that I am rather pleased with myself. When I was in relationships it was great to have consistent sexual gratification, but as a single girl (which I have been for about 2 years now) having sex that often is more headache (and heartache) than it's worth. The last few partners I have had didn't really stick around long enough for me to trust them to a point that I could let go in bed. By holding back I really was there to get them off, rather than allowing myself to even get to the point of orgasm. In actuality, it was the least gratifying sex I have had. I'm better off with my "battery powered friends" in the long run. Quitting sex cold turkey has been beneficial to me on many levels. Perhaps someone who is really worthwhile will come along and break my hiatus, but in the mean time I am not looking to fill the space with men who are not looking for commitment. When you can look at your sex life, and find a way to pitch it as a Lifetime Friday night movie: That's when you know something has got to change.

Strong Start and Weak Finish

Brad has also become a thing of the past. When I went to the symphony with him two weekends ago, another side of this "perfect guy" revealed itself: Brad is 37 going on 57. The man was entirely too comfortable going to bed every weeknight at 10pm, and never making any plans during the work week. Considering that I work a retail schedule there would be very little likelihood that I would be able to get too many weekend days off. This meant that Brad was unwilling to make any changes to his routine, even if it meant that my involvement in his life was limited. Also, his constant fascination with listening to oldies and barbershop quartets, along with driving a mid 1990s Oldsmobile really solidified his status as a senior citizen. I would rather be single than bored. As of Tuesday I am also off of the dating website. I think that I really need a break from the insanity of dating guys I meet online. Not once has it ever worked out for more than 3 months, and I am more comfortable reading people in person than trying to decipher their profiles online. At some point I hope to actually wind up in a relationship, but nothing can be forced. More than anything I really just need to concentrate on the personal and professional goals. Love is better off being left to chance at this point.

Relief

The update on Dave is as follows: After our date (in his self-admitted true Gemini nature) he decided that he was unsure that he was actually looking for a serious relationship. Dave assured me that we did have a connection, but considering his unstable state he doesn't feel it would be fair to keep seeing me or any female. On top of that, he is also leaving the country for an extended period of time. I told Dave that I appreciated the response and wished him luck. While knowing that there was no way Dave and I could be together (in the capacity in which I wanted), it was nice to know that I didn't do anything weird that freaked him out. Quite shortly after Dave came and went I finally met a guy who is actually looking for a relationship. Within the first date we made plans for a second, and since that point I have not had a single second thought before deciding to call him. With the guys who were not really looking for something serious I constantly felt like I was tip-toeing around trying to gauge their interest level. With Brad I can tell that he likes me, and things are far more relaxed. I have seen him 3 times so far, and we have plans tomorrow night as well. On the days I don't see Brad there is at least a text message or a phone conversation between the two of us. The best part: Brad isn't lacking any key element that would keep me from finding him to be an appropriate partner. He is older than me, more established, smart, interested in a vast array of things, has a career, is extremely tall, and is talkative. I haven't even logged onto my online dating account in over a week as a result. Hopefully things will continue on this path, and I will have a real live boyfriend in the not-too-distant future...