Merging

So here it goes: I am a Jew. I have always grown up in a semi-religious house. This means that we kept kosher in the house very strictly, and as a child I went to Jewish day school. I am educated in all of the laws of my religion, but I am not totally religious. It makes for a weird mix. Outside of the house I will eat at non-kosher restaurants, but I don't eat pork or seafood. I go to synagogue on holidays, but I do not keep Sabbath. I speak fluent Hebrew, and I have many Israeli friends. Dating guys who are not Jewish is a bit hard, but sometimes dating Jewish men is even harder. Because a non-Jewish guy would not understand all of the particulars of Judaism, I have to explain a lot to them regarding how and why I do things. Since it is not their culture, however, they can respect my decisions even though they only sometimes effect how we do things as a couple. For Jewish men this is part of their own heritage, and they usually fall on one or the other sides of me. For instance, Adam grew up in a similar family to mine, and his family was semi-religious. Now, he has become more religious, and is actually a rabbi! While I am happy that he found something that he is passionate about it makes things complicated if we would ever get serious together. Adam would not eat non-kosher food to any degree, so we could only go out to a few restaurants together, and taking any type of vacation would have to planned out according to nearby food resources as well as times for the Sabbath. He is also of the mind that his future wife (and his last wife, but more on that later) will dress in skirts that cover her knees, shirts that cover her shoulders, and wear a scarf or wig to cover her hair when in public. I don't think that at any point in my life I would choose that degree of modesty for myself. This would never be an issue for me with a non-Jewish guy. The tricky part is that while the non-Jewish guys can respect my decisions it is impossible for them to really participate in any portion of that part of my life. In order to be happy I need both sides to mesh. While it is possible for me to lean on family and friends for my religious needs it still feels like something is slightly off. Also, when there are future children involved things get more complex. I will have Jewish kids, and I refuse to raise them in a way that doesn't educate them on what the beliefs of their religion are. What that means is that if my future husband is not Jewish I will have to do it all myself, and it will not allow any room for his religious beliefs to come through. I understand that it will be tough for him to have that dynamic, almost as much as it would be for me to wear skirts and cover my hair. So the only way I think anything would work out is for me to only get serious with a guy who is religious to the same degree as I am, or near it. When there are so many other personality traits that are necessary for compatibility I think this one might limit me completely within the dating pool. It's quite frustrating. So as for Adam's ex-wife: She came from a non-religious family, and changed completely for the relationship. Now that they are divorced she has reverted back to her old life. Adam's daughter will never get to grow up in a household that he originally imagined for her. Reconciling that is immense for anyone. What I know for me is that what I already do on my own is what I will do in the future. Since Adam works in the financial field despite being a rabbi, he is not the type of guy who needs to be the example for the community like the rabbi who leads a congregation would be. If he can realize that I will always practice certain key elements despite not dressing as modestly as he would like then he would know that through thick and thin I would uphold those things on my own. He would never have to worry that if we would split up that anything would change. At this point, however, I don't even know if he will take that chance. I guess it's really too early to tell, and he may have already cut and run.