Push and Pull

I have been sketching. I have been drawing long skirts and dresses. It seems that I am going through a mental exercise to see if I could find ways to dress modestly if I had to, according to the laws in Judaism. Why would I be putting so much effort into something this big with a guy I barely have started seeing? It's crazy. I don't think that it really has a lot to do with Adam. Granted if Adam and I would get serious with one another many things in my life would have to change. I think, though, that this has more to do with integrating my childhood in religious schools, and the artistic, extroverted self that I am today. I feel like the community failed me as a child. I spent most of the time in the Jewish community feeling as though I was not accepted, and I was unworthy of being recognized. It wasn't until I was in public high schools that I felt I could really express myself. My personality developed in the massive mix of ethnicity, and span of economic background that I found myself in when I finally left the religious school system. Here I am at 27 years old finally trying to find a way to combine both of these elements. Perhaps, in a way, it allows me the opportunity to stop opposing the option that I would be with a guy who is more religious than I. It was never something I had considered before. I won't be committing to changing myself tomorrow, but I am not ruling it out either.